Hannarr's life
lets see how long i keep this up ...
woops!
have come to realise, all my entries are that of a sexual nature.
have come to realise, my life is that of a sexual nature.
have come to realise, i rather enjoy it .
XD
freak!
i have had the most amazing couple of months ever and feel as if i should report it.
i finally got my life back on track. Just before christmass i found out my BDD had more or less gone. this made my year, causing an end to many other problems.
i then finally got a job and started rolling in the pounds. at this job i met the most amazing guy ever. as soon as i started talking to him there was this immediate connection and grew to be very found of him.
a few weeks later we ended up getting very drunkm sleeping together and having teh most amaizng conversation of my life. ”Hannah, i think i am in love with you. i ahve honestly never felt this way about a girl before in my life.” I had majorly fallen for this guy. two days later we started going out.
I’m not one for all this lovey dovey crap, but i am majorly in love with this guy. It’s actually ridiculous. i have the best time ever with this guy. He is genuine and absoloutely hilarious.
3 weeks ago i met his friend nat. we got on really well straight away. james warned me of him. i took in what he’d said and didn’t really think anything of it. almost straight away he started flirting with me and ended up telling james i got naked with some guy in a cupboard and that i had said i fancied nat. this was complete bullshit.
James wouldn’t talk to me for a fewdays and we argued for a week. 6 days ago he came round and we talked everything through. everything was fine and sorted out. felt so relieved that i wasn’t going to loose him.
The next day James broke up with me. ”i don’t feel the same way i did two months ago..” i did not want to break up and still want to get back together. however, i have learnt that that is not going to happen and am starting to deal with the hurt. Haven’t cried this much in a week for a while..
now to tell another side to the story.
the day after we broke up i met up with my amazingly sexy friend. we had a bit to drink and ended up making out alot. a couple ov hours later we were semi naked in horsham park. this was actually an amazing evening, had a fucking good time. i am not complaining.
some people may say rebound sex is not the way to get over someone. but tbh i think it is. taking your mind off of someone by thinking of someone else makes perfect sense.
i get to see him tomorrow for a top up of rebound. must say i am excited. however, would rather be with james anyday..
eventful 2 months. its sad that we rnt together anymore, but i really have the feeling like it is an important chapter in my life.
XD XD XD
Omg!
I saw him
It was good.
In the car park ov my college
In the cold
At 11 pm
Ohmygosh.
Happiness
WHAT.A.NIGHT.
<3 xx
XD
feeling pretty wehey! to be honest.
i get to see him in 3 days XD
Hopefully one of the best gigs i will go to in a while. i wont miss thi sone unlike last weeks.
Oh how i love working through high gain
<3
ARGOS!
wehey! started new job properly today.
sooo fun. well good.
tills suck balls but collection is insane. like a fucking game, matching up al the number and shit. woahhh!
work with some fitty’s tbh.
my m8 jasmine. shes propa fit.
my m8 bond. He’s a tad sexy :P
uberly fun. up untill xmas shouldve earned 300 quid on just sundays alone. i work saturdays aswel XD
what a fucking plan!
xxx
grr-much
So annoyed at myself
Am not currently at the gig due to me not going. i ended up passing out about 2 hours before i had to go. seriously pissed off
therefore i did not feel weell enough..
Means i missed out on some amazing bands
Means i dont get to see him
Of course he tried to persuade me to go and he will ”miss me” and ”wishes i was going :( ”
That made me feel a bit happy XD
I am majorly annoyed at myself for passing out and not being able to go :(
Why do i have to suck so bad?
Gig
I am working at a gig on friday at a pretty big venue.
LAVONDYSS! wehey!
So excited. Also, he will be there XD
thats a good thing. i think. also not looking forward to it in a way because i can’t have this conversation with him, which i have been wanting to have with him. He keeps starting this conversation and as soon as it gets somewre he ‘has to go’. i am soo confused at the moment.
conversation often goes something like this
me - ”i don’t know how u feel though. you send me all these mixed signals”
him - ”you know how i feel. its kinda obvious if you are reading the right ‘signals’ ”
:s i need a guy to decode this. lol. soo confusing. i think nothing can ever happen tho. he is best friends with my brother.
am i wrong? i think not.
xxx
Gig should be fab tho XD
I started writing a story bout 2 weeks ago. This is just an extract from it. Thought would blog it to see response. So yeah. Be kind.
“I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, the blood pounding in my ears. He started to follow me, his fists clenched, his face irate and infuriated. His legs were twice the size of mine. He could climb three steps at a time compared to my measly two. I reached my door and tried to grab hold of the door handle. I slammed it shut. It wouldn’t close. I tried again, my hands shaking, my breath jagged. I glanced down and gasped with terror. His foot was wedged in my door. I noticed that look in his eyes, as mine met his and knew exactly what was coming. What I feared.
He shoved me with his huge hands and pushed me out the way. The door slammed shut. Panic flooded over me. He smirked as he realised my vulnerability. He shoved me again. This time his hand did not leave my bruised shoulder blade. My face pressed against my cold wall. I could feel his hot breath down my neck, his sick laughter inside. I shut my eyes tight and waited, hoping for it to soon be over. Then I felt it. I doubled over in pain as his boney knee shoved fast and hard into my stomach. I screamed and clutched at my stomach. He pulled at my arms, leaving my stomach un-nursed and sore. Then it came again. I heard a loud crack at he started on my face. The pain was excruciating. Sudden pain went to my head. My mind felt black, empty, heavy. My eyes misted over. I tried to open them, but my eyes just stung. Not tears of sadness, or pain. These were new, uncontrollable. Water was just coming out. Unexplainable. Just watering. I wiped them dry, but my eyes were still cloudy. My mind still dark and concealed. It was getting heavier and heavier, the pain getting worse and the feeling of my brain swelling. I let out a shriek. What had he done to me? I couldn’t stand, couldn’t think. My entire body went numb and I collapsed. I looked towards the door as a final search for help. I saw him abandon me and close the door behind him. Was I going to die? My minded started to cloud over then, I just lay there, watching him go. Watching my father walk away.”
Cheers people x
ohmygod! XD
OHMYGOD AMZING NIGHT!
Sunday night i worked at the last heat of BOTB before the final (tomorrow XD )
Then i stayed round this guys house. It was a spur of the moment type thing (considering we couldnt find a bush in time before my brother saw us :P )
L M F A O
Had one of the most amazing nights of my life and maybe starting to think i may have feelings for this guy. Probably not the most sensible idea, but i’m ok with it right now. I don’t think i want a relationship. One of the only times i’ve actually felt a proper connection with a guy, even when i’m just talking to him. i can’t pysically talk 2 him without wanting to just shove my hands down his trousers or sumfin lol. He does actually take my breath away sometimes (how gay did that sound) i mean i had just seen him perform on stage screaming and such, which probs made it worse. i do like a good musician. BUT OHMYGOD. I can’t really stop thinking about him.
He seems to almost be a new fuck buddy XD I’m still not sure about it right now. Surely the best is not to get involved with a guy who may not feel the same about me… I still dont even know if i do have feelings for him. I may just be evry sexually attracted to him.
Kinda going back to my old slutty ways, but hey life is more fun like that. XD
It’s made me happy. i’ve had alot of good news recently and am probably happiest i’ve ever been in my life, or at least for a while. not just down to this guy, but life right now..
I guess i’m just in a place right now where i just wanna have a laugh. Also apparently am in a place right now where i rant on about people for fecking ages.
1 more thing..
Bring on BOTB final! sooo excited. Don’t think i have 2 work so i can just chill with mates and relax. Also maybe look out for some new meat (or not so new in some cases)
Also Fraser Hewitt is really hot and makes me randy. Just anothe rthing i have to put up with.. XD :P (i love you )
Happiness is still here xx
